East of Eden

Eddie: "Buuurp."
Me: "You don't have to signal all the details of your digestive system."
Pokerface: "If you're going on vacation with guys, we gonna treat you like a guy."

Eddie: "Actually we're restraining ourselves. With only guys it would be much worse."

Pokerface: "All that coffee earlier gives me an ..."

Me: "No, please, don't say it..."

Pokerface:"...acid reflux."

Oh. My. God. Acid reflux was the mantra of Pokerface and Eddie the first days. Their sensitive stomachs cannot handle nicotine, caffeine, tap water or beer. Or beans. Damn Cuban restaurant! They could have fueled a bio gas vehicle.

Most of the spring break is NC-17, but here is the censured version...

From the deserts in the southwest to the swamps in the southeast. The Sunshine state. Oranges. Alligators. And Dunkin Donuts in every corner.

The first few days we stayed in Daytona Beach. Daytona was popular among springbreakers in the 90's, but now it's declined, populated by white trash and low life. But it was spring break, and the alcohol was cheap so we partied as if the world would end.

We rented a car and drove to Key West. Key West is the southernmost point of US (except for Hawii, Turtle later pointed out). Hemmingway lived there for a while. It was incredible beautiful. Like the Caribbean, but rich. It's OK to drink in the street. So we did. The first night we went to a bar where they had a sexy bull riding contest. Women in all ages and shapes climbed onto the bull showing their natural and artificial bodies to the cheering redneck crowd. I've never seen so many fake boobs in one place before (until two days later in Miami beach).

We rented scooters and drove around the peninsula, buying fresh coconuts from the back of a truck, stopping at nice beaches. I had my new fashionable bathing suit which resulted in the weirdest tan ever.

The second night in Key West we went to a bar with ladies nights, which means free drinks for the ladies. I ordered beers and drinks and gave them to the guys, everyone got pretty smashed, I don't know... somehow we ended up in a strip club. Let's fast forward from there.

Miami is awesome. But expensive. We found a heavenly Cuban restaurant in Miami beach and ate us into food coma. Then we went dancing to Latin tunes. There was a huge outdoors electro music festival and neon colored ravers swarmed everywhere. We hung out on Miami beach though, people watching and drinking mojitos. I did spotted an inline skater in bikini, but the guys missed her. There were plenty of creeps there too. I went to the restroom, walking alone just for a while, fully dressed and with my usual "Fuck off" written in the forehead, and still attracted some unwanted attention. The most disturbing one was a fat middle aged guy, who after some friendly questions about whether I was in Miami for the music festival, suddenly asked how my money situation was. "Very good!" I proclaimed and hurried away. C'mon, models are hanging out on this beach, stop bothering me.

When we landed at LAX we all agreed upon two things. 1) It would be so nice to get rid of each other and 2) California is the best.