Falling Empire

I've made some small changes on this blog which made me realize that the Google Empire is falling apart. For example, Chrome and Blogger, both own by Google, are not compatible. Managing pictures, changing size, view them in the profile on your blog using Chrome - not working. I have to switch to Firefox. Fail. I wanted to add  a blog search box to the gadgets, but the gadget provided by Google doesn't work. Google no longer knows how to do search engines. Capital failure.  Finally, instead of followers, subscribe on updates to your RSS feed,  maybe by using Google Reader (!). I use it to get updates of webcomics, like wulffmorgenthaler and amazingsuperpowers, and other fun stuff I've Stumbled Upon on the internet. 

And vote on my poll! I want feedback.

Parentheses

My mood has gone to Hell and back during the weekend (no, it's not PMS). 

It's time to start planning the return to Lund. The first thing was to find somewhere to stay. Mom said that I could move back home, you know, compensate for being gone for so long. It has some advantages for sure, like no rent, free food that someone else is cocking. The disadvantage: it's the end of the world. It takes one hour to get to Lund, commuting is a pain, there would be no social life and as a 23-year old it's a matter of principle to have your own home.

So I was looking for housing via AF Bostäder. I found a pretty cheap dorm room in Parentesen (the Parenthesis) with move-in-date in July. The summer is free so I have to pay for July because it's the first month, but not August, and in September all the new students get prioritized. It was the perfect deal for me. Forty other people had tried to book the room, but I'd been three years in the queue and booked it 10 minutes before the time went out. Nice, I thought. Well, hold your horses. The rules are that if you book you use your place in the queue, and if you don't get the contract you don't get your place back. To sign the contract I needed to provide three documents. The transcript, registration info and a photo copy of my student's nation card. To get a nation card you have to pay a fee every semester. The rules changed while I've been abroad and instead of one bill where you pay for all the student fees, there's a separate bill for the nation fee now. So, after calling my brother, my mother, they are the ones opening my mail and paying my bill while I'm abroad, and looking into my bank account I realized that I hadn't payed that fee. Fuck. So I begged/ordered my brother, the Pirate, who was in the middle of writing a big paper (B-uppsats) to go to the nation and get a bill and pay for it. I emailed my transcript and registration info and explained the situation.

I got a not-very-polite answer that there was missing units for the fall and that I had to present a paper proving that I had passed 15hp during the fall, that is half time studies. I had until Monday to present this paper. Panic, panic, panic, I don't have a paper like that! With this short time I could only get an Unofficial Transcript from UCSB. Crossing my fingers that it would work, I attached it with a list of contact information to offices that could prove that I studied here. I was so nervous, I begged to nameless gods, cold sweat running down my back, wishing, hoping that they would accept it.

10 minutes later I got an answer. Since you're an exchange student you get excepted from the rules, you don't have to have any units registered or be a member of a nation, if you want the exception we can sign the contract immediately. They had probably not looked at the registration info, just the transcript. Yeah, I want that exception! Now the contract is signed. I will move to Parentesen. And now I've payed the nation fee of 200 SEK for nothing. I'm so happy it worked out.

If I Were a Girl

With just a few weeks left before I leave the calendar is full of goodbye-activities. Tonight I'll see Mr. Carrot and The Sober Guy for the last time at Woodstock, they are going back to Italy tomorrow morning. Yesterday I went on a boat cruise organized by the International Student Association. The dress code was fancy, "dress to impress", so I did. I've never been the girly type. I feel more comfortable in an orange jumpsuit than in a little black dress, assuming that the orange jumpsuit is the one worn by engineering students and not prison inmates. I had bought a brand new dress. It's as sweet as spun sugar. Girls are supposed to dream about pretty pink dresses, this dress is more of a boy's dream though, because it's really short. It's hard to sit or bend forward without constantly pulling down the hem. The front is not very extraordinary, the back on the other hand is more elaborate. The dress was, however, not the only unusual attire. I wore high heels, something that I almost never do, they are too hard to skate in. The last thing, the ultimate test of one's femininity, was faux eyelashes. It's messy to glue them onto the eyelashes, but what a change, it looks like Minnie Mouse-eyes. I almost felt like a drag queen, except this is socially acceptable and even encouraged. It was like turning into an alien, almost unrecognizable, still fun and interesting, like an anthropology study.

The boat trip was awesome, we had a DJ and a dance floor. It was pretty windy though, so the floor was rolling back and forth, but none fell into the sea. The sun set over the ocean and we saw lot of seals.

We got back to Isla Vista in time for my roommates 21st birthday party. One of her friends was DJ:ing in our living room, we had strobe light and the furniture was moved away creating a dance floor. Around eleven it was packed. The birthday girl was however hiding with her head in a toilet. The only unfortunate thing that happened last night was that someone punched a hole in the ceiling, which we have to repair.

Mein Herz Brennt

In history class we cover the first half of the 20th century. If you feel good about yourself in a shiny-happy-jolly way right now, be warned, this is quite a dark piece of commentary. Ignorance is bliss.

I've been reading works of von Treischke (The Greatness of War), Lenin (What is to be done?), Stalin (Liquidation of Kulaks), Mussolini (Fascism Doctrines) and Hitler (Mein Kampf). von Treschke glorifies the purifying battle, that kills the inferior and weak. Yes, what species doesn't befefit from killing itself? Lenin and Stalin seems to have thought that their deeds was for the greater good and that the end justified the means. We want worldwide communism, who cares that the peasants eat their children because we took their grain? I must say, Mussolini seems...lucid. Which is most horrifying since he despises pacifism and democracy and prises warfare and Italian expansion. There are people claiming that Hitler wasn't insane, that any human can turn into such a monster, well, reading Mein Kampf is reassuring. There is no such thing as rationality or reason on those pages. On the contrary, the Jews were both the bloodsucking exploiters of the working class and the Marxists fighting for the proletariat? That makes...sense.

During the last few lectures we've seen photographs of piled corpses and cannibalism in the Soviet Union, carpet bombings, Hiroshima, liberated living skeletons from World War II. And the numbers. Depending on sources they vary greatly. 37 million died in WWI. 9-18 millions in the Russian Civil War. Stalin starved and purged 20 million to death during his two decades in power, that is 12% of the Russian population. In the Lagers about 6 million people were tortured and killed (hey mom, what about visiting Oswiechim for the third time this summer? at least there the campgrounds have showers...). In World War II, the deadliest military conflict in history, 60 million people were killed, whereas 2/3rds civilians. After that one might think that humanity had learned from its mistakes, well, not, say hello to Pol Pot.

We think that other people of other times were different, that we wouldn't let atrocities like that happen in our time. But they do happen, all the time, in different parts of the world. Genocide, slavery, oppression. We close our eyes, we do nothing, say nothing, deny it, don't care. Because if we cared too much we wouldn't bare to live. Like when we joke about Hitler, we have to laugh otherwise we would cry.

Extravaganza

Once a year the student association at UCSB organizes a festival, a mini-Coachella in the soccer arena. It's free for everybody. So last Saturday, everybody was going to the festival, everybody meaning thousands of people (approx 12 000). At the same time. There are two entrances to the arena and the lines were huge, five meters wide, hundred meters long, not moving significantly. We cut most of the line and stood packed in a crowd of people. Some jumped over the fence into the bushes on the other side. The line didn't go forward. Suddenly someone pulled the plug and everyone pushed forward. The fence was down and the flood of people carried us in past the cops in the entrance. No one could stop us.

The band were not that big, last year they had famous bands and then people from LA came and made trouble, someone told me. A Candian band, Chromeo was the best, you can find their low-budget music vidoes Night by Night and Fancy Footwork on Youtube.

Selected tales

The dizzling days of mid-May are lazy and laid-back. Nothing really big happens, but the small stories of everyday life piles up.

Simpleton math

Last Saturday I went to a comedy show. The main attraction was a comedian who had performed on Comedy Central and apparently was kind of famuos. He talked about life, politics, relationships, things that everyone can relate to. Some people in the audience was intoxicated, it was Saterday evening after all.

Comedian: "In Canada they have a good health care system. In Canada there are 500 murders per year. Do you know how many there are in the United States? 16 000".

Some drunk guy in the audience: "We have a higher population, so you can't compare the number. It's simple math, stupid."

Comedian to the guy:"OK. Let's compare the numbers. What's the population in the US?"

Guy in audience: "Do you know?"

Comedian: "I know, I was asking if you knew.

Silence.

Comedian: "So you don't know?"

This was embarrasing, the guy who called someone else stupid didn't know how many people there are in his country. Even I, a non-American, knew that piece of fact.

Comedian: "The population in the US is 300 million. In Canada it's 30 million. So you see, there are 3 times as many murders in the US."

The guy in audience could not accept the defeat though: "If you think USA is so bad, why don't you move to Canada?"

Comedian: "I think this is the best country in the world. I think so because of things like MIT and the constitution, not like rednecks and Sarah Palin who're eating burgers and jerk off watching nascar. Now look, you've woken up the girl who was passed out in the front row. "

By the way, the comedian was an Russian immigrant.

What's the frequence, Kenneth?

The most disgusting thing happened on Tuesday during the Numerical Analysis lecture. A lot of people have a cought or allergies right now and have running noses. The use of paper towels is not widely spread tho, so during the lecture the other students sat and snorted loudly. We're not talking a silent little sniff, we're talking full on cocaine snort- sound. Especially the girl just infront of me had quite an allergy. *Snoort*, and I imagined how the snot traveled back up the nose, up toward the brain. Every time I heard the sound a cold shiver ran down my spine and I winced. I counted how often this happened, the frequency was one snort every 3 seconds, during 75 minutes of class. When I left I had goose bumps and wanted to puke.

The art of getting free drinks in bars

Most guys think it's easy for a girl to get free drinks in bars, just shake some body parts and the tap is open. Well, that's true, in theory. I have never gotten it tho. As an independent and modern woman it's a matter of course to buy my own drinks. And if I'm talking to a guy and he asks if I want a drink, I say no, because, well, if I'm talking to that guy I probably don't need more to drink.

Yesterday, it was Thursday night and we went downtown dancing. Soleil, broke after weeks of travel, is an expert on how to get free drinks. She taught me the trick. It helps if you're two, because then the other one says to a random guy close to the bar pointing "She needs a drink, buy her a cocktail". Few men can resist one women, even fewer can resist two. I developed an own stragety. Talk to a guy, ask if you can try his drink, help him to finish it and when he gets a new one he will get you one too. Talking is actually enough, if you don't have a drink he will ask if you want one and get one for you. So I talked a lot. Then we have the thing about rejecting people. The guy only gets you drinks because he wants into your pants, you only want the drinks. The solution is to go to the bathroom with a "See you later" that's not gonna happen. Or see a friend on the other side of the room and go and say hello before he offers to come with you. You don't need high heels or a skirt, or even make-up. Life is unfair. Especially the next morning when you have a drum orchestra with ADD beating in your head.

Sunburn

During the winter I almost forgot,
how nice it is when the weather is hot.
Now there's no question, the sun has returned,
with vengeance I say, 'cause the lesson is learned,
always wear sunscreen or you'll be burned.

The lush vegetation withered and died,
if you're out in the sun soon you'll be fried.
You ask every morning: what should I wear?
The answer is simple, legs should be bare,
a smile on your face and sun bleached hair.

You lay on the beach, or surf on the wave,
put on a bikini, but wax and shave.
Not looking good is an aberration,
lipstick, shades, mascara, foundation,
lack of brains needs compensation.

Sunny days, it's like a vacation,
still I'm loosing my fascination,
with what we call Californication.

Ticket to Ride

Hippie skulked out in the dead of the night and after some suspense caused by a missed flight he returned to the Mother land. Now I have to amuse myself...with midterms. Still the class that gets most of my attention is my wine tasting class. Every Thursday for six weeks we meet and talk and drink wine. Last Thursday we had the first two-hour session. Each time we try three wines, one white, one red and one dessert wine. This time we had a Chenin Blanc that smelled of corn tortillas, an orange-red Barbera with raisin and blackcurrant undertones and finally, a wine so sweet that the toes curled, like melted strawberry lollipops. When the class is done I will dedicate an entire post to temperatures, swirling, acidity, you name it, but you'll have to wait for it.

Saturday morning-ish, I lay blind as a mole in my bed, when I was woken by some stir in my room. In the nearsightet fog I saw four figures approching slowly, all carrying something big and colorful in their hands. I recognized Maryjane and Eddie. What do you do when the maffia wakes you up with four pistols pointed at you? You:

A) Reach for the gun under your pillow and cherfully (!) call them out: "C'mon baby, show me what that loaded gun is for!" and fire loose.

or

B) Make a whining sound and hide under the blanket.

I'm not proud over my course of action. I met my Waterloo in a very short water fight.

Later that night, one of the unknown Italians turned into a DJ in Eddie's backyard and we rigged speakers and colored lights and had a dance party. 1:38 is the new record. Then the police came and gave Eddie a ticket for noise violation. 200 bucks. It was Eddie's 9th ticket since he got here.

At the party I talked to a Spanish and an Italian girl about tickets. The Spanish girl had gotten two tickets á $200. One for urinating in public and another for carrying an open container of alcohol. The Italian girl, the one I went skydiving with, got the same for using someone else's ID in a bar. Another guy got a $1000 ticket for urinating in public, it's not even the same amount! You have to go to court and complain about the amount and then they might change it. The cops make money on tickets, so if you're stopped you'll get a ticket no matter what.

I only got tickets for a trip to NYC. Me and my big brother will travel for a few weeks before I go back to Europe the last of June.